


PTAD: Post-Traumatic Ammut Disorder

by themultifandombi



Category: House of Anubis
Genre: Ammut, F/M, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, No one is really doing awesome in this story not gonna lie, Peddie, Post Season 3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Harm by cutting, Self-harm by burning, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse, but everyone will be better eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 02:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themultifandombi/pseuds/themultifandombi
Summary: While everyone boarding at Anubis House had dealt with some form of emotional trauma before the unleashing of Ammut, nothing compared to the PTSD that plagued her former sinners; especially, those whose souls spent prolonged amounts of time away from their bodies.**Content Warning: This story includes numerous descriptions of self-harm, as well as thoughts about and attempts at suicide. Please read at your own discretion!**
Relationships: Eddie Miller/Patricia Williamson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 25





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you all are staying safe out there in this COVID-19 plagued world. Other than completing my schoolwork, I’ve been writing lots of fanfics, and this saga is just one of many that I’ve been working on. I also have a Keddie friendship oneshot that’s almost finished, in addition to the next chapter of Reasons; but, as of late, I’ve been particularly motivated to work on this next miniseries!  
> As you hopefully noticed in the summary, this tale is centered around how everyone— particularly, Patricia— is coping after the events of Season 3, and how one simply does not just move on from being possessed and helping try to end the world (*ahem ahem, @Nickelodeon, *ahem ahem). This story is just one of many theories I have about how Sibuna would cope with the events of Season 3, and honestly, I think it’s pretty realistic, all things considered— I mean, I know I’d freak the absolute fuck out if anything even remotely close to what happened to them happened to me, but hey, that’s just me. And, because my Psychology/Mental Health Awareness loving mind likes to write stories with characters who are struggling mentally, I produced this.  
> Anyway, please, please, please do not read this story if discussions of self-harm and/or suicide are triggering to you, especially with everything going on in the world right now. I won’t be offended if you avoid this story for any of these reasons— self-care is so much more important than risking a panic attack or relapse of any kind. But, for those of you who enjoy reading the crazy dramatic stuff my mind likes to produce, I hope you enjoy this story! I’m not entirely sure how many chapters it’s going to be, but it will probably be the longest story I’ll be continually adding to. Please don’t forget to also leave kudos and comments in response— reading what you guys think about any of my fics is truly like crack to me!  
> And now, without further ado, here is the preface of my newest House of Anubis miniseries: PTAD: Post Traumatic Ammut Disorder. Enjoy!

She hadn’t meant to go this far.

She had only intended on getting her usual fix: slicing up both of her forearms, then burning over the fresh cuts as the blood dried

She wasn’t exactly sure what made her decide to cut deeper than ever before, to the point where she collapsed on the bathroom floor. Maybe it was the immense guilt that consumed her, or the desire to sleep without nightmares, or the continued abuse from her parents that she couldn’t seem to escape; regardless of the cause, she had injured herself almost to the point of no return, and she didn't entirely regret it.

She was barely conscious, but she could still feel Eddie’s arms around her, holding her close to his chest and rocking her gently. She could vaguely hear Joy’s pained cries in the distance, as well as Mara screaming at Eddie to not jostle her around too much, as any additional movements could make her lose more blood.

Her vision was severely blurred, but she could still make out the shape of Trudy’s face above her, telling her that everything was going to be alright, and occasionally telling KT to make sure that Victor was still by the front door, waiting for the ambulance. 

She was _exhausted_. She didn’t know if it was from the constant battle against the emotional trauma that attacked her everyday, the lack of sleep, or the blood loss; whatever the reason, she could feel herself fading fast. 

Before she could thoroughly process what was happening, her vision went from blurred to black. She could still hear echoes of Eddie, Trudy, and even Joy’s voices, but after a few moments, those dissipated too.

Then, she was completely surrounded by darkness.


	2. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I meant to add this first full-length chapter earlier, but right as I started working on it my family sat down for dinner, then I had to help clean dishes, and by the time I sat back down to work on this again it was 1:00 AM-- good thing I'm a major night owl! Anyway, without further ado, here is the first official full-length chapter of my latest story, PTAD: Post-Traumatic Ammut Disorder. I hope you enjoy it! Remember to leave your kudos and comments afterward, as again, they are like crack to me-- happy reading!
> 
> **Warning: Major descriptions of self-harm by cutting and burning with a lighter are included in this chapter. Readers' discretion is advised.**

~ 2 Months Earlier ~

It was Friday afternoon. To most people, that wouldn’t mean much, but to Patricia and Eddie, it meant _everything_.

Friday afternoons were when Mara would always be gone from her and Patricia’s shared bedroom from roughly 3:00-6:00, as that was when the matheltes held their weekly practices. Additionally, this was usually the same time in which Trudy would complete her weekly grocery shopping, as well as when everyone else would focus on getting their homework done before the weekend, often at the school library; so, this timeframe was typically the only opportunity Patricia and Eddie had to be alone together behind a locked door. Needless to say, it was one of their favorite parts of the week.

“I swear to god Weasel, if you rip _another_ pair of my tights we are _never_ doing this again!” Patricia teased as Eddie attempted to pull her lace tights off of her legs as quickly as possible without ripping them.

“Isn’t that what you said last time,” he mused as he hooked his fingers under the waistband of the tights, “face it, Yacker. You can’t resist me.”

“Shut up,” she breathed as she pulled his head down to hers, kissing him forcefully.

They made out for a few moments before Eddie broke away.

“You’re _trying_ to distract me,” he teased as he moved his hands down to her knees, where the tights currently rested. He gently slid his hand under the waistband again and carefully peeled them off of her legs, though the slowness drove him crazy. However, he was instantly rewarded with the sight of her wearing nothing but her matching black lace panties and bra.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he drank in the sight of her. No matter how many times they did this, he could never get over just how _fucking_ _hot_ she was, and how he had her all to himself…

“Yes, that’s what we’re doing,” she retorted, “that is, if you can stop drooling for long enough to focus.”

“Hey, _you’re_ the one who didn’t want me to rip your tights,” he teased as he hovered over her.

Sighing playfully, she raised her arms and draped them around his neck.

“Yeah, but my tights have been off for a minute or so now, and we’re _still_ not completely naked now are we,” she replied against his lips, simultaneously gazing down at the underwear he still hadn’t managed to shed.

“No we are not,” Eddie replied as he started peppering kisses down her neck, “but I could have made that happen _much_ quicker if you would’ve just let me tear those tights off.”

“Those are my last pair of good tights, doofus,” she explained, moaning slightly as Eddie began to suck on her neck, “I can’t have you destroying _all_ of them now, can I?”

Eddie removed his lips from her neck and smirked. He then reached his hands behind her back and unclasped her bra.

“I guess you make a good point,” he retorted as he slid the straps of her bra off of her shoulders and tossed it to the side, “I just can’t help the fact that I like it _much_ better when they’re on the floor beside us than when they’re on your legs.”

Patricia smirked as she sat up, scooted forward, placed herself on his lap so she was straddling him, and rewrapped her arms around his neck.

“I thought you said they looked hot on me?” She questioned as she kissed him gently.

“Oh they do,” he murmured as he kissed her back, “but nothing compares to having you like this,” he explained as he slid his hand under the waistband of her panties.

She chuckled against his lips. “Yeah, I’m with you there,” she replied as she moved slightly to help him take her panties off. Once they were on the floor next to them with the rest of their clothing, Patricia kissed him again.

“I love you,” she told him as they started working on getting his briefs off.

“I love you too,” he replied as he leaned them back on her bed, so he was hovering over her once again.

She smiled, and reached up to kiss him for what was not the first, and definitely would not be the last, time that day.

* * *

5:50— the time when Eddie would have to get ready to leave before Mara returned— came entirely too quickly.

Patricia groaned in annoyance as Eddie removed one of his arms from around her waist to reach over and turn the alarm off. Once he did so, he returned it to its original spot.

“Mmm,” she hummed as he pulled her against him again.

Eddie smirked, and pressed a feather-soft kiss to the skin behind her right ear.

“Eddie,” she murmured gently as he lightly sucked on her skin.

He kissed her there for a few seconds before he gently rolled her from her side to her back, so he could kiss her lips.

They kissed lovingly for a few moments before their 5:55 alarm went off. Sighing, he pulled away from her, and turned the alarm off, _again_. Then, he reached over her, and picked his pile of clothing up from the floor.

As Eddie started dressing himself, Patricia sat up against her headboard, intentionally letting her sheet drop so that her breasts were still visible. Eddie smirked as he slipped back into his briefs, and then his trousers.

“That’s a sight I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of seeing,” he murmured as he began to button up his white dress shirt, fighting the urge to shrug it off and go back to their post-sex cuddling session. 

She smirked, and watched as he swiftly slipped his grey sweater back over his shirt, and then as he fastened his tie around his neck. _God_ did she like it better when he was taking all of that off…

Once he was done, he leaned over and kissed her again. They kissed for a few seconds, before he pulled back.

“I love you,” he whispered affectionately.

“I love you too,” she replied as she pecked his lips once again.

“See you in an hour,” he asked as he stood from her bed.

“See you in an hour,” she confirmed.

He smiled at her softly, and then left her room. She sighed sadly once he was gone. 

Slipping out of her bed, she went over to her closet to put on her bathrobe. Once she had its belt tied around her waist, she grabbed her shower caddy, some towels, and then left for the bathroom.

After peering her head out from the doorway to make sure none of the other girls were nearby, she shut and locked the bathroom door.

She shrugged her robe off, and went to turn the shower on. She turned the dial to a relatively warm temperature, and then returned to the sink while the water heated.

She touched the bathroom doorknob to ensure that it was locked once again. Then, she turned the faucet on and ran both of her forearms under the cool sink water.

It didn’t take much scrubbing to get the makeup off. Within moments, the hideous scars that lined both of her forearms were fully visible. She stared them sadly as she turned the sink off.

_You don’t need to add more_ , she told herself as she stepped toward the shower, _you’re going to be with Eddie the whole night. You love Eddie, and Eddie loves you. Eddie makes you happy, and you make him happy. You don’t need to cut before your date with him._

Yet, before she knew it, a montage of recent traumatic events flashed before her eyes: telling Eddie that she hated him, Frobisher grabbing her, dragging her kicking and screaming to the tank room, Eddie and KT explaining to her what had happened after they’d manage to save everyone, and then, how she’d felt so, so, _so_ guilty immediately after that she locked herself in the bathroom, and took a blade to her wrists for the first time in _years…_

Tears flooded her eyes as she thought of the memories. Before she could fully realize what she was doing, she grabbed a razor from her shower caddy, and hurriedly ran it against both of her forearms; she wasn’t truly aware of her actions until her arms were covered in so much blood that it had begun to drip on to the tiled shower floor.

The combination of frantic cutting and seeing the blood oozing out from her arms brought her the release that this activity always did. Her traumatic memories had dissipated from her mind almost entirely; now, she was only focused on how badly her arms hurt, and how there was _so_ much blood…

Instinctively, she placed her arms under the shower head to rinse the blood off, but instantly received more than she bargained for when the hot water mixed with the pain of her cuts.

_Motherfucker does that hurt!_ She thought to herself.

Then again, that was the reason she did this: to feel the pain. To hurt herself to the point where any flashbacks or unpleasant thoughts would vanish from her mind, and be replaced with the searing, burning, white-hot _pain_ she inflicted upon herself; so, she turned the temperature of the water up to as high as it would go, and let it wash over her forearms.

In that moment of suffering, Patricia truly felt at ease: as the liquid fire soaked her arms, the remainder of her traumatizing memories swirled down the shower drain with the bloodstained water. She breathed a sigh of relief as she felt herself begin to relax.

After one final moment of letting the pain consume her, she grabbed her shampoo, and went about her shower as normal.

* * *

After thoroughly drying herself off, Patricia reapplied her makeup to her face and her forearms. While she didn’t anticipate tonight’s date ending with her and Eddie fucking in the backseat of his car like they sometimes did, it was better to be safe than sorry in terms of Eddie seeing her arms.

She knew deep down that if Eddie were to somehow learn about what she did to herself, he would respond with nothing but genuine concern, and do whatever he could to help her to stop; however, the louder part of Patricia’s conscience told her that if Eddie did see her cuts, he’d be disgusted with them and dump her immediately. As a matter of fact, she didn’t want _anyone_ to find out, because she knew that whoever did would try to get her to stop, and with the trauma of being a sinner still fresh in her mind, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her most effective coping mechanism.

She walked over to her closet, and slipped into her favorite pair of skinny jeans, turquoise blouse, leather jacket, and black booties. Then, she went to her vanity to curl her hair, and then added all of her usual jewelry to complete the look. Once she was finished, she gazed at herself in the mirror: she looked _damn good_. Feeling completely satisfied with her appearance, she grabbed her favorite black slouch purse, and made her way to the foyer, where she would be meeting Eddie.

As she walked down the stairs, she noticed Joy and Jerome exiting the house, hand-in-hand, on their way to a date as well, Patricia assumed. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she didn’t see Eddie anywhere; so, she peered her head into the living room to check if he had gone in there. She only saw Alfie playing with one of his video games on the rightmost couch while Willow sat beside him knitting. Mara and KT were in the kitchen helping Trudy unload groceries, as well as prepare dinner for those who did plan on eating at the house tonight, whilst giggling about how excited they were to have a girls night in KT’s room later on. Once she stepped back into the hallway, Eddie was just leaving his room. As per usual, he looked hot: he wore a grey henley shirt with his favorite black leather jacket over it, light wash skinny jeans, and a pair of black converse. Once he saw her, he smiled.

Once he reached her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pecked her lips.

“Ready?” He asked as he held out his hand for her to take.

“Ready,” she replied as she threaded her fingers through his.

After yelling to Trudy that they were leaving, they made their way to Eddie’s car.

* * *

“It is ten o’clock! You have five minutes precisely, and then I want to hear a pin—”

Eddie and Patricia burst through the front door right as Victor was about to drop his pin. He stared at them in annoyance as they quickly dropped their interlaced hands, and ran to their respective rooms without saying another word.

“Drop.” Victor finished as Patricia dashed up the stairs.

She hurried into her and Mara’s room, and then shut the door behind her. She leaned back against the door and sighed. _That was too close_ , she thought.

“Hey, how was your date?” Mara asked from her bed.

Patricia smiled as she set her purse down, and made her way over to her closet to change into her pajamas.

“Good,” she started as she slipped her jacket off, “that new burger place downtown is really good, and the new Hangover movie was absolutely hilarious.”

“Nice,” Mara exclaimed, “you mean that new burger place next to the cinema, I’m assuming.”

Patricia nodded as she slipped her favorite gold, sequined, pajama shirt over her head. “Yeah, if we’d gone anywhere else I don’t think we would have made it back in time. Eddie’d been wanting to try it anyway, so it worked out well.”

“Oh good,” Mara replied as she laid down in her bed, “KT and I had a lovely girls night next door. We painted each others nails and watched some rom coms.”

“Sounds like fun,” she responded, truly glad that they had spent their Friday night together, since she was pretty sure all of the couples had gone out on some type of date.

“Yeah, we’ll have to do another one with the full sisterhood sometime,” Mara added.

Patricia nodded as she pulled her black pajama shorts up to her waist, and then climbed into her bed.

“We should,” she replied as she reached over to turn off her bedside lamp, “that would be fun.”

“Totally. Well, anyways, goodnight,” Mara chirped as she reached to turn her lamp off as well.

“Night,” Patricia murmured as she cozied into bed, turning on to her side facing away from Mara, so the brightness of her phone wouldn’t bother her.

Unsurprisingly, there was an unread text from Eddie the second she opened her phone.

_See, I told you we’d make it back in time_ , it read.

_Yeah, but barely!!_ Patricia replied, smirking to herself.

_True, but it was worth it though, right?_

Patricia smiled as she thought back to the quick round she and Eddie had managed to squeeze in after the movie had ended. As per usual, they’d done it in the backseat of his car, which was parked in a secluded section of the movie theatre parking lot.

_I mean, I guess…_ she replied, hoping Eddie would pick up on her sarcasm.

Eddie simply responded with 3 teary-eyed emojis. She couldn’t help but lightly chuckle.

_Of course it was worth it, Doofus. I love being with you, you know that,_ she replied.

_Phew, that’s a relief_ , Eddie replied jokingly, _I was starting to think this love was unrequited._

_Oh believe me, it is very much requited. I love you weasel face <3_

_I love you too, Yacker. I’m sorry I didn’t get to kiss you goodnight :/_

_That’s okay. Besides, I think we got a pretty decent amount of kissing in today :)_

_That’s fair, but I still don’t like going to bed without kissing you one last time_

_Me neither…I think Mara’s asleep already, you could sneak up here ;)_

_As much as I would love to, I just heard Victor yell at Alfie for going into the kitchen— I think he’s pretty much going to be on the prowl for the rest of tonight :(_

_Fucking Alfie, ruining everything_

_Yup, major cock-blockage just there :/_

_Why the fuck didn’t he just grab something before light’s out? It’s only 10:15!_

_Because he’s Alfie, that’s why,_ Eddie replied along with several laughing emojis.

Patricia chuckled again as they continued to tease one of their shared best friends. They texted for a few more moments before she started yawning profusely.

_I’m starting to fall asleep Weasel,_ she typed quickly, _I’ll see you in the morning. I had fun tonight— I love you <3_

_I love you too, Yacker— so much. And yeah, I did too— goodnight <3_

Patricia smiled as she read his last text, and then set her phone on her nightstand. She then pulled her blankets up to her chin, and buried her head into her pillow. After everything she and Eddie had done today, she was asleep in minutes.

* * *

She was alone in a pitch black room. She sat on a white, wooden stool, wearing her school uniform. Other than that, there was nothing else present in the room.

She didn’t really feel scared, but definitely a bit unsettled, as she sat completely alone in the pitch-black void.

“Hello?” She called out.

No response.

“Hello?” She tried again, “Is anyone there?”

She shifted her weight on the stool and crossed her legs. Where _was_ she? 

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp._

The sound caught Patricia so off guard that she nearly fell off her stool.

_What the hell was that?!_ She wondered.

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

Whatever it was, it sounded evil, and like it was drawing closer. Patricia slid off the stool, and took off running in the opposite direction of the noise.

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

Patricia screamed in absolute terror as she ran away from the sound. Considering she was in an infinite space, she couldn’t gage exactly how far away the noise actually was, but she felt terrified enough to run as far and as fast as her legs would carry her.

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

It sounded as if it was right in Patricia’s ear. She continued to run as fast as she possibly could, though she was rapidly becoming tired.

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

_Gurgle gurgle, slurp slurp_

When the beast jumped in front of her, she recognized it’s lion and alligator-like features right away: Ammut.

Patricia screamed off the top of her lungs, and started to run in the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the eater of hearts lunged in front of her again and growled at her, bearing her large white fangs that were dripping a sickening green goo.

“NOOO!” Patricia screeched, “You already took me once, leave me alone!”

Ammut simply looked at her prey and laughed. Before Patricia could scream once more, the devourer leapt forward, and pounced on the horrified young woman before her, knocking her to the ground.

She bared her teeth as menacingly as possible before she sunk them deep into Patricia’s chest. Despite her lungs being punctured upon the impact, Patricia was still somehow managing to scream bloody murder as Ammut mutilated her.

The devourer quickly reached Patricia’s heart, and swallowed it in one gulp. Miraculously, Patricia did not die; she continued to scream and thrash against the beast, who laughed evilly as blood from Patricia’s heart dribbled down her expansive, green, scaly chin; it was the most petrifying sight Patricia had ever laid eyes on.

Growling at the trembling girl once more, the devourer dug her teeth into Patricia’s abdominal cavity, and consumed her remaining organs: her intestines, stomach, spleen, liver, gallbladder, pancreas, and even her lungs.

Despite all laws of common sense, the removal of Patricia’s organs had not killed her. She laid beneath the devourer, screaming the most chilling, blood-curdling screams a human being could possibly produce as Ammut feasted on her. Once she was finally finished, she licked her lips, causing her green saliva mixed with Patricia’s blood to drip onto her tearstained face, which severely burned her skin. Again, Patricia did not die, but continued to suffer the pain.

“You thought you could escape me, did you?” Ammut cackled in the most evil tone imaginable, “such a stupid girl you are. You thought that I’d release my hold of you just because the Osirian and another girl much less damaged than you were able to put two keys together, hmm? Well, you were wrong!” The devourer cheered as lightning boomed behind her.

Patricia cowered back in the utmost fear, praying that the torture would end soon.

“You will ALWAYS be my servant!” Ammut hissed as more of her acidic saliva rained down on Patricia, burning various parts of her body.

“You will ALWAYS bow down to me! Me, and me alone! Certainly not the Osirian, that’s for sure!”

Patricia blinked back tears as she continued to quiver under the body of the devourer, and tried to think of anything other than what was occurring at the moment.

“I will ALWAYS rule you! I will ALWAYS rule your body, your mind, and your spirit! You are MINE forever child, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!”

She tilted her massive head down towards Patricia’s, and gazed into her eyes hungrily. She licked her lips again, and chuckled at Patricia’s pathetic pleas for mercy.

“P-please, j-u-ust-t let me-e g-go-o, please—”

But before she could finish, Ammut lurched forward, and bit her head clean off her body, swallowing it in one, scrumptious bite.

* * *

Patricia jolted upright in her bed, feeling immensely nauseous. Without a second thought, she flung back her blankets and ran to the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door behind her, she knelt down before the toilet bowl, and emptied the contents of her stomach. She belched and heaved for countless minutes, until everything she had eaten the day before had resurfaced in the toilet bowl.

Once she was certain that she wasn’t going to vomit again, she flushed the toilet, and leaned back against the wall opposite of it. There, she pulled her knees up to her chest, dropped her head into them, and started sobbing.

That was the most terrifying nightmare she’d ever experienced. She’d felt as though she had _actually_ endured the pain of having her organs ripped out of her body by Ammut; it had felt entirely too real.

She continued to bawl her eyes out on the bathroom floor, as she couldn’t shake the image of Ammut eating her organs out of her head. Eventually, her thoughts switched from focusing on the nightmare itself to the fallout her possession had caused: how it had hurt Eddie, almost started the actual apocalypse, betrayed the club that meant more to her than anything else in the entire world…

She needed to cut, and she needed to cut _now_.

She raised her head from her knees, and frantically looked around the bathroom for a discarded razor, or anything sharp enough to pierce her flesh. Unfortunately, she couldn’t see anything that would be of help to her; that was, until she noticed the lighter that was laying next to the candle on the sink counter.

Patricia hurriedly rose from her spot on the floor, and snatched the lighter. Glancing over at the door just to double check that it was locked, she flipped the lighter on.

The emergence of the minuscule flame made her stop and think about what she preparing to do. Cutting was one thing, but burning…she had never done that before. Should she? Would it help her the same way cutting did, or would actually lighting herself on fire be different?

There was only one way to find out.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly guided the flame over the deep scars of her left wrist.

The initial feeling of the fire meeting her skin was the most painful sensation Patricia had ever felt; however, in that brief moment of agony, she forgot about everything that was troubling her: the nightmare, the aftermath of being taken, how she’d hurt Eddie, _everything_. All she could focus on was just how _fucking bad_ her arm hurt right, and how she needed it to hurt so much more…

After placing one, small, circular welt over 3 of her parallel cuts, she moved the flame up her arm, and formed numerous additional blisters of varying sizes all along its length. 

She had never cut above her forearm before; now, multiple burns trailed all the way up to her shoulder.

The pain was incredible. Never before had a physical stimulus inflicted the massive amount of pain she was feeling right now; it was agonizing, yes, but it accomplished the goal she had set out to achieve: forgetting her problems.

She gently pulled her short sleeve down over one of the welts, and then switched arms. She repeated the same motions on her right arm: let the fire dance over one patch of skin, blow it out, then repeat until you’re up to your shoulders.

By the time she was finished, her arms were absolutely _throbbing_ in pain; it was all she could think about, which was exactly what she’d wanted. 

Maybe burning was even _better_ than cutting? Her arms hurt _way worse_ now than they ever did as after cutting herself. She would have to wait and see how she felt tomorrow before she made a definitive decision.

She placed the lighter back in its original spot next to the candle, so she wouldn’t draw any attention by having someone wonder why it had been moved— she could definitely get her hands on a lighter of her own later, if she desired. But for now, she needed to get back to her room before anyone would wake up, notice she had gotten up, and then ask questions.

She carefully unlocked the door, and only opened it wide enough for her to be able to peer out and not see anybody in the hallway. Despite the searing pain that came with slowly pulling the door open, she did so, and tiptoed back to her room.

Fortunately, Mara had managed to stay asleep amidst Patricia’s movements. Feeling relived, she crept over to her closet, and quickly changed into a navy blue, long-sleeved t-shirt that she could wear until she reapplied her concealer in the morning. 

She crawled back into bed, pain shooting up and down both of her arms as she did so. _God_ did they hurt; but, she loved the distraction they provided. Maybe she’d be able to fall back to sleep as a result? She cozied into her pillows and blankets once again, and shut her eyes.

As soon as her eyes were closed, an image of Ammut lurching forward to attack her filled her mind.

She reopened her eyes, and instinctively pinched one of the larger burns on her right arm. The searing pain that followed her action knocked the image right out of her head, making her feel instantly more calm.

_Guess I’m not going back to sleep tonight_ , she thought.

Sighing, she grabbed her phone from her nightstand, and opened Angry Birds. She turned the volume down so it wouldn’t wake Mara, and let the pain that came from simply holding her phone distract her from her troubles and the threat of sleep.


End file.
